Despite the fears of the people organising the charity showing of Troy, the theatre was within 80-90% full. We sat in the middle of a theatre mostly full of university types: Generation tXt, with pop-corn.

It is an indication of how bad the movie was when Archilles met with his mother before joining the Greek fleet. She told him he could remain in Greece, raise a family and be forgotten in a couple of generations; or he could die on the battlefields of Troy and be remembered forever. Brad Pitt turned his profile and put on a deeply thoughtful face. The audience burst out laughing at his furrowed brow.

There were some good performances by others in the movie. Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom managed to look damned sexy in short jackets and sarongs, whereas Pitt was uncomfortable in the costumes. He even managed to make a full frontal as exciting as a day in the office. He was disadvantaged by the script requiring him to emote. If they had portrayed him as beautiful emotionless killing machine all the way through the movie he would have been perfect.

Eric Bana’s Hector is somebody I would like to have beside me in combat. Orlando Bloom’s spoiled and cowardly Paris needed a stronger script. Other actors had fun, including Sean Bean’s Odesseus who looked like he had just stepped out of the showroom of the “Honest Ithacans’ Used Car Lot”. The death of Ajax struck me as endowed with pathos. I half-expected the incidental drumming music as the Greeks jumped out of the wooden horse to turn into the theme music of Mission Impossible. Andromache was more attractive than Helen.