I have been considering the large sports posters that some shops displayed for the last few years. Everytime I see the life-sized posters of three All Blacks I note to myself that they are built like Lurtz of the Uruk-hai. Then I saw David Beckham’s new look and noted that he looks like Legolas. It impressed on me today, walking by the posters again, that this explains the difference between orcs and elves. Orcs are hulking great big thugs, built like brick shithouses sideways, who like to tackle. Elves are pretty boys who are light on their feet, can prance a bit, and wear sarongs, and their hair long. I’m sure that this new perspective helps to explain something.

I took a phone call this evening from a telemarketer. Their people were active in the city promoting medical insurance, said the mouth of sauron, would I be interested in receiving promotional material. I wasn’t interested. Would I be taking out medical insurance in the future. No, I replied. (In hindsight I think this is the right opinion; medical insurance is a placebo for not providing universal healthcare.) We are also providing life and mortgage insurance, would you be interested? I think you will have a hard time selling me life insurance. Why’s that? My life insurance was taken out in 1965 and I pay $18 a year on it. Oh…OK…goodbye. I put the phone receiver down on its rest and laughed like a sane man.

I met an elderly gentleman from my elder’s district. I asked him about his wife who collapsed in church two weeks ago. She is home now. He told me that she was dead for a moment after she collapsed. A doctor in the congregation gave her mouth-to-mouth and she revived. While they are in the evening of their lives, they can enjoy the view of a good sunset.

If ever tea was served up early here, I would know that my flatmates have been abducted by aliens and replaced by pod people. Then I would have to ally myself with the aliens to ensure that their experiments do not escape from their clutches.

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