Society frowns at blowing one’s own trumpet
But we’ve a game that merits no rebuke
If someone’s got a tub, we’re going to thump it.
It’s more fun than playing polo with the Duke.
The object is to Gunga-din your neighbour
“I’m a better man than you”‘s the acid test
So man the good ship one-up
Let’s do a social ton-up
And bang our status symbols with the best

Playing on the status symbols
Laying out the ready cash
Bigger, Better, Newer, Smarter
Hear the status symbols clash

My phone number’s ex-directory
Should you wish to make a call
Mine’s even more exclusive
(More exclusive!?)
I won’t have a phone at all

You could always try cabling me, Mick Flan, England

I have colour television
Though it can’t receive a thing
I’ve a midget tape recorder
Hidden in my cygnet ring
(Hidden in my cygnet ring)
I’ve laundress comes in daily
To my flat in Marble Arch
All my laundry’s flown to Cairo
(Flown to where?)
Where they don’t use so much starch.

I believe my butler’s butler
Has appeared on Face to Face
I lost both my Botticellis
When they robbed my country place
I’ve been asked to sing at Salzburg
In next year’s Fidelio
I’ve been asked to screen Lord Denning:
For security, you know.

My car registration number’s
‘1111 V I P’
All my garage doors fly open
When I murmur ‘Sesame’
My car horn goes Ah-E Ah-E
Your car horn goes Ah-Ah-Ah
I’ve just bought a Mini super
(Bought a what?)
A Mini Super
Oh yes, I’ve got one in my boot.

Playing on the status symbols
Laying out the ready cash
Bigger, Better, Newer, Smarter
Hear the status symbols clash

Hell has just been taken over
By a friend of Charlie Clore’s
We’ve acquired a private furnace
Bigger, Hotter, Far than yours.

Advertisements