We marked today the death of a member at Opoho Church making a cairn of stones in a clay bowl out of memories.  There was no water.  I would have liked to add water.  It would seem incomplete to cast a person off into the afterlife with only dry stones.

She who was living is now dead
We who were living are now dying
With a little patience
Here is no water but only rock
Rock and no water and the sandy road
The road winding above among the mountains
Which are mountains of rock without water
If there were water we should stop and drink
Amongst the rock one cannot stop and think

T. S. Eliot, adapted

Perhaps I can add this prayer from the office of Celtic Night Prayer from the Northumbrian Community.  I find it useful.

Do not hurry
as you walk with grief;
it does not help the journey.

Walk slowly,
pausing often;
do not hurry
as you walk with grief.

Be not disturbed
by memories that come unbidden.
Swiftly forgive;
and let Christ speak for you
unspoken words.
Unfinished conversation
will be resolved in Him.
Be not disturbed.

Be gentle with the one who walks with grief.
If it is you,
be gentle with yourself.
Swiftly forgive;
walk slowly,
pausing often.

Take time, be gentle
as you walk with grief.

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